Where I live there seems to be a a growing population of rude and vulgar people. And no matter how hard I wish for things to change it is not going to happen. It is up to me to change how I think and feel about these people. The same applies for you.

1. What does it mean when someone is rude?

Your initial angry reaction may be to think the person is a moron but that only makes matters worse as it will comes across in the way you talk.

I prefer to view such behavior as evidence that the person is doing the best he can with what he has. This belief makes it easier for you to accept the person even though you may not like his approach.

Look for the good in people and you are a lot more likely to find it.

2. Is it your fault?

When you encounter vulgarity it is worth pausing to ask yourself have you encouraged this behavior. Maybe you played along with this gutter talk in the past so the person thinks you do not mind it.

Or perhaps you have done something that has annoyed the person so much they cannot control their anger and annoyance.

In either of these cases it is best to slowly lead the person back to a polite discussion. You can do this by asking highly specific questions that force the person to slow down and think before replying.

If you honestly did not do anything to encourage the rudeness you are clearly dealing with someone who habitually talks in this way.

Unless you can change the person you just have to accept him as he is.

3. What can you do?

Ultimately you have a choice - avoid dealing with vulgar people where possible or join them! Only joking!

Seriously though if you cannot avoid them you need to remember how to take charge of conversations. Plus you need to ensure you remain strong and unaffected by their manner.

In the meantime you can achieve quite a lot by distinguishing between the person and the way they deliver their message to you.

Look beyond their words to the real message they are trying to convey.

We all have a bad day now and again maybe you just bumped into them while they were stuck at a low point.

About The Author

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

peter1510@hotmail.com

This article was posted on November '04

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