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Article:
The Talking Stick by: Gina Woods Have you ever heard of a Talking Stick? I hadn't until two days ago when my husband presented me with one! “Okay…” I thought, “Is this supposed to be some joke about me talking too much or what?” But then he continued his presentation saying, “Honey, I know that sometimes you think I'm not listening to you. I have to admit, sometimes you're right. But you are the love of my life, and even when I'm distracted, I always want you to be my first priority. That's why I made this for you…I give you this Talking Stick as a symbol of my commitment to always put you first, no matter what. If there's ever a time when you don't think I'm paying attention to you, or if you think I'm ignoring something important…just pick up this Talking Stick. I promise to listen, without interruption, while you tell me what's on your mind.” Wow! What woman wouldn't love that? A promise of undivided attention any time we want it! Does this man realize what he has just done? I came to discover that the Talking Stick has been used for centuries by many American Indian tribes as a means of just and impartial hearing. The stick was commonly used in council circles to designate who had the right to speak. Whoever holds the Talking Stick within his hands has the power of words. When matters of great concern came before the council, the leading elder would hold the stick and begin the discussion. When he finished what he had to say he would hold out the stick, and whoever wished to speak after him would take it. In this manner the stick was passed from one individual to another until anyone who wished to speak had done so. The stick was then passed back to the leading elder for safekeeping. It carries respect for free speech and assures the speaker that he has the freedom and power to say what is in his heart without fear of reprisal or humiliation. So how does this Talking Stick effect our relationships? A major difference between vibrant marriages and those that end in divorce is the way the couples communicate…the way they handle disagreements and hurts. In healthy marriages, disagreements are handled as they occur by discussing the situation until both partners are satisfied with the result or some compromise has been agreed upon. Nothing kills a relationship and romance like “mud-slinging” screaming matches or attempts to punish with the “silent treatment.” This is where the Talking Stick really works its magic! I know of at least one marriage counselor who uses the Talking Stick as part of her marriage therapy techniques. But also imagine what positive effects this form of communication could have on family relations as well! Take my family for example: I have three children, ages '2
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